What is Durtle Heaven?
For you, a member of the inner circle, here is the truth of Durtle Heaven:
Durtle Heaven is what we members of Crabigatorism fight against. The easy and convenient dopamine of TV, social media, games, manga, and other sinful artifacts of the durtles. Walking that path leads to dissatisfaction. Heed not the call of the durtle, sibling of the Crabigator! We must punish ourselves with which that is boring to feel true happiness and satisfaction.
Acolytes of Crabigatorism should spend at least one hour of their day in prayer. It matters not when or where.