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Crabigatorism Toilet Law

In 1987, the Church of the Crabigator's high priest decreed the following toilet laws:

  1. When you use the toilet, lock the door, even in your own home.
  2. Flush once immediately following your poop, and again after you've wiped.
  3. Seat protectors are provided by the management for your safety. Despite not actually doing anything, they should be used. The "tongue" of the seat protector should be placed on the front side of the toilet, not the back. It stays better.
  4. One can wipe sitting or standing, whichever they prefer, except in the case of an automatic flushing toilet. In such cases, one must sit and wipe or risk constant flushing.
  5. One should wash their claws, for the Crabigator's glory. Upon rinsing the soap off one's hands, one should snip snip their fingers, shake their hands twelve times, then use a small piece of paper towel, folded in half, to dry their hands. The Crabigator demands you be eco friendly.

Toilet Law 2019 Addendum »